A Good Man Goes Domestic
by shaping-up-to-be-pretty-ood
Summary: The Doctor's notorious for not being on time, but when he follows up on his lateness he gets a rather shocking reality check.
1. Chapter 1

**Konichiwa~! This is a follow up from What He Doesn't Know Will Bug Him since some lovely reviewer (LadyOliviaRoxton) mentioned that she wondered if they do have children. Well, you know, two-month hiatus and what do fans do? Write like mad. I haven't decided on how long I want it to be, but it'll definitely be at least two chapters. Enjoy!**

"Sweetie, I'm ba-a-" the Doctor stuttered to an awkward stop when he poked his head out of the TARDIS to greet his wife and was instead met with a rather fierce-looking two-headed man. "Oh. Er... Hello. You're not my wife." He licked the wall. "And this is a little bit too far into the century..."

"You're not my type anyway. What're ya doin' in my cell?" The man had a deadpan look on his faces, as if a big blue box just randomly materialising was not a rare occurence.

"Looking for my wife, obviously. Is this cell 426 of the Stormcage Containment Facility?" The Doctor made sure he kept the door closed enough that the man couldn't see into his ship. Although it might not really be such a surprise to him what was inside.

"Yeah. You talkin' 'bout that mad bat Doctor Song?"

A grin split over the Time Lord's face. "That's the one. Although she is mad, I wouldn't go so far as to call her a bat. Where'd they end up moving her to, there really can't be much of better cell for her, don't they know she'll end up killing the other prisoners if they annoy her too much? Not that it's a loss, no offense, criminals in Stormcage don't get put here for _theft_. Well, unless it's something like an entire planet, I've seen that before... Sorry! I'm the Doctor by the way."

With a roll of his eyes, the man stated with both mouths, "Doctor Song got 'erself a pardon few months back, which is rubbish if you ask me... Most 'einous criminal in the universe and they give 'er a pardon for being a little bit useful? Church is stupid, can't even keep a pretty girl like that locked up in 'ere if she smiles right."  
"That's my wife you're talking about thank you very much, I'll let the 'little bit useful pretty girl' thing slide if you tell me where she went."

"'Eard 'er goin' on about buyin' a 'ouse on Gelliana when they took 'er out and locked me in. Yeah, nice of ya to say goodbye, too, whatever!" The man had started shouting at the TARDIS door as it slammed shut and the ship disappeared.

xXx

The Doctor's smile slipped from his face when he walked back out of Sexy and straight to staring down the barrels of about thirty sub-machine guns. "So I take it you lot remember me... To be fair, I always brought her back, and to my knowledge, she always immediately returned to her cell." No one responded, just gave him stoic glares. "Alright, come on, I'm relatively unarmed, so why don't you just tell me Doctor River Song's new address and I'll be on my merry way and you won't have to deal with me within your personal futures?"

xXx

Wine red. River had painted her house wine red. The same shade as his bow tie and braces. And she had always made fun of him for his style. Wine red was cool, and now she could never argue with his fashion sense. He marched up to the door and knocked briskly, plastering a goofy smile across his face and straightening his jacket.

The door was flung open a little more forcefully that he expected of his wife, and she had a slightly cross look on her face, which also was uncharacteristic. Her mood visibly brightened at the sight of the Doctor, but his smile slipped away.

"Hello sweetie! This is really unexpected."

His voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. "_What..._ is _that?"_

River laughed throatily. "Very funny, acting like you've never seen our daughter before- ouch, Stormy, don't _do _that." She untangled the baby's hand from her hair and kissed it gently.

"I haven't," The Doctor said with great difficulty, the shock turning him hoarse. He was frozen in place, his eyes locked with those of the baby on his wife's hip.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter twooooo~ I'm proud of myself for this, even if it is dialogue driven. And it felt very strange to write in the baby's words, so I threw it out, the Doctor is just going to respond as if she has said something. Enjoy it, and chapter three is already half done! Mwah~**

"That's not true." River's voice had a deadly calm quality to it that was also present in her eyes.

"When have you seen me? Now, don't call your mother _that, _even if it's true it's not nice. And what do you mean kicked you out? Birth? Was that the first time? Oh good, I do like you." It seemed the Doctor had narrowed his focus and gotten over his shock.

Thouroughly confused, River hissed, "What is going on?"

"I speak baby. Oh, you mean what I said earlier? Yes, little one, timey-wimey! Excellent, I have no doubt you're mine. Not that I would anyway, your mother has a very hard time moving on, she'd probably wait an eternity for me." He addressed River again. "I went to Stormcage, you weren't there because I overshot it a bit or Sexy wanted me to be here now, and now I'm here. First time meeting her. And _no, _you're a baby, you can't call her Sexy! If you've asked me before that why bother no, answer's never going to change."

Still quite baffled, River seized her husband's jacket and pulled him into a fierce kiss. The baby started to wail, to which the Doctor replied (after detaching himself from River), "It is _not_ gross!"

xXx

"I've got questions." River set the baby down at her feet and gave the Doctor a pointed look.

He picked the baby right back up. "Absolutely right, too cool for the floor. I've got answers, hopefully, but I've also got my own questions and I'd _really _like to go first. What's her given name?"

A dramatic eyeroll ensued. "Stormageddon. Our baby is named Stormageddon Marilyn Song. You insisted, saying it was a favor to a friend and I only just got my say with the middle name. And we call her Stormy. When are you?"

"Er... Manhattan. So empty TARDIS. Marilyn? Well, that does explain why she keeps calling herself Monroe. When did you end up pregnant?"

"Spoilers! God, I love saying that. Although this does explain the sudden increase in frequency of your... visits and the constant pestering about whether or not I was pregnant."

With a chuckle, the Doctor said, "Don't bother censoring yourself, she understands. She's absolutely disgusted, but she understands nonetheless."

It was clear that River tried to ignore that. "You speak baby?"

A grin broke across his face. "Yes! I talked to you when you were a baby, you were a funny one. Told me my bowtie looked stupid, but other than that I liked you. Met another that called everyone peasants. Tried it with Rose but she just looked at me like I was stupid. Of course, those ears really were something else, she could've been staring at them. Has she got a Timehead?"

"A what?"

"Timehead. Funny word Amy used to describe you when she was pregnant. Is she a Time Lord?"

"As far as I can tell. She's got two hearts and a very sharp mind, but she runs at about the same temperature as humans do. She's also got my mother's eyes."

"I just hope she doesn't end up having Rory's nose. She even agrees with me! She says she can't even look at that picture in the hallway without laughing."

"Should've known that's what it is... Are you sure you've got no knowledge of her? At all?"

"Positive. I don't remember you being pregnant, her being born, I've never met her. I've only had three visits to you."

"But before you went to Demon's Run, we kidnapped Stevie Wonder and then we snuck to that inn-"

"No, _I _haven't yet. Well, now I know what to do for one of your birthdays. But I've been on three dates with you that ended 'happily,' as humans say. Woodstock. The night before you received your doctorate. And the one time I let you fly the TARDIS wherever you wanted but you crashed her into a lake."

"To be fair, I'd only regenerated four days before that and flown her once. And I had to make sure not to kill you."

The Doctor suddenly giggled. "Stormy, watch your mouth."

"For me, this isn't the first time you've been here, and you never mentioned speaking baby."  
"I'll have to remember not to talk to her while you're listening then. No, I didn't say I wouldn't talk to you at all, just not while she's in the room. Ooh, you've got to stop calling her that, I don't think she'd like it very much. Yeah well I've known her longer than you have. Her whole life! And I knew your grandparents. With my luck you'll turn out exactly like this one and Amy, won't you? See, that's the kind of cheeky response I expected. Well, I suppose you've got to have some way to cope with having a mad father!"

River's mind was racing. And given how her mind worked, it was racing at the speed of light. "Doctor, your firsts are my lasts."

He gave her a look that was in between pained and severe. "That happened once. And only because I can't stop it now. But think about the first time I kissed you. In Stormcage. When I was floundering about like an idiot. Did I come back? Yes. I made sure it wasn't your last. I could never do that to you, and I only will once because I have to. It's been a while since I loved anyone the way I love you, believe me. No one is like you. You are maddening, and gorgeous, and downright psychotic. You put that into the life of a self-loathing alien with a soft spot for humans and you can't expect him not to fall in love. You're the daughter of my best friends, child of my TARDIS, and yes, despite the fact that we never meet in order and you're always twice as frustrating as the previous encounter, I love you. This won't be the last time I see my daughter and my wife. Ponds have a habit of tearing time apart, and I did happen to marry into the family. Even if I did it to put time back together again. Oh, Stormy, that's a long story for another day."


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, my lovelies, this is the end of this fic! I know, I know, sad day. (Or at least that's what I'm striving for you to think.)  
I hope you enjoy this last chapter, as I certainly do! Hugs and kisses, yo.**

"Will you stop making that face, my love? It's just breastfeeding." As the Doctor had quickly discovered, River didn't really bother with blankets. River was not really one for modesty.

Checking to make sure Stormy was asleep, the Doctor muttered, "I'm not really used to someone else doing that."

She laughed at the sullen, if not slightly jealous, look on her husband's face. "She's a baby. This is natural, and what breasts were actually designed for. So don't tell me you didn't expect this. Besides, I'm sure I was breastfed."

"How should I know?" He made a face. "I... I didn't actually... I mean I wasn't... I-I..." The next sentences came out softly. "You and Amy were on Demon's Run. We didn't have time to relax, we were more focused on saving the two of you. So I don't know. We didn't get the time to be calm and do anything like that. River, did I ever tell you that you slept in my cradle?" He smiled warmly, attempting to bring the mood back up from where he had dragged it down to.

"Of course. Don't you remember when I told you who I was? My prayer leaf was in it. That's how I learned your name, too. I read it that day on the headboard of the cradle." She held Stormy out to him, then readjusted her clothing. "Will you burp her?"

The Doctor rather awkwardly laid her against his shoulder and began patting her back. It had been a very long time since he'd done this. He supposed the concept hadn't really changed. The beating of her hearts brought a smile to his face. He wasn't the last anymore. He had a Time Lord family. A proper-ish family. A gorgeous, devious professor for a wife and a cheeky, brilliant girl for a child. For a moment, he thought about what the High Council of Gallifrey would say. It made him grin. Those stuffy old men would be utterly astonished and stuttering like fools. To think the most immature and troublesome Time Lord on the entire planet would be the one to carry everything would probably make them laugh endlessly. But here he was! Holding his mostly Time Lord daughter while his mostly Time Lord wife read some dusty book about Sumeria. Maybe he would take them there sometime. He knew he wasn't going to lead a normal life with any of them, but that didn't stop him from loving his children so much it almost hurt. Besides, it was fun to think that he could always come home to love on this scale. That is if he ever left.

A sudden wetness spread down his shoulder and he froze up. "Er... River...?"

River burst into laughter when she broke her gaze with the book and looked at her husband. Stormy had fallen asleep against him, but he had continued to pat her back. And she had spit up all down the Doctor's jacket. River got up to get a towel, which she wiped Stormy's mouth with before laying her in the playpen. "I suggest you let me wash your jacket and shirt, my love. _Stop _looking at me like you were just hit with Silurian venom."

While he jerkily stripped, he muttered, "Over a millenium of time and space. Never been spit up on by a baby. Not _one _of my children has _ever _done that before." He sullenly thrust his clothes towards his wife's outstretched hand. "Let's hope _this _first is a last."

xXx

"So what do you _do?" _The Doctor was peering around his wife's house in earnest curiousity with his arms crossed on his bare chest. There were so many pictures lining the walls, whether the were paintings, posters or photographs. A vibrant painting stood out against the rest- Amy's Sunflowers. He knew for sure that it was Vincent's original, but didn't want to know how she had gotten ahold of it. An unconscious smile broke out when he took in the photographs of the five of them, even the one in Utah they'd hastily snapped in a split-second-decision.

"Archaeology, you know that." The click of the door to Stormy's room was quiet but resounding. River's arms quickly snaked around her husband, causing him to shudder. Her hands were cold, even against his cooler-than-human-temperature skin.

"I meant just being here, settled down... You're usually all adventuring and brandishing a gun and hello sweetie and... well, just mad."

He felt her smile against his chest. The thing he didn't realize is that the smile was bittersweet. "That's not really such a good idea if you're pregnant. But there's no way I'm done with all that. How could I? But I really only get into trouble when I'm with you. So I thought that once Stormy was old enough I would start taking her places. Places we didn't destroy, that is. Or pre-destruction. And I've had a lovely little expedition planned since right before that mess with the _Byzantium._ It's been put off until next year though, given that I couldn't just leave Stormy all alone."

The Doctor was uncharacteristically silent. His mind was reeling with the knowledge he possessed of River's future at the Library. He didn't know when that was going to be, but now he knew that his daughter would, at some point, be without a mother, and that broke his hearts. It was at that moment he resolved to visit her as many times as he possibly could in her future. After all, he knew they would go to the Singing Towers of Darillium. That would be the last time she ever saw this incarnation. Of course, she would see two of him after the ridiculous mix-up he'd had with three Rivers being in the TARDIS all at once. He had been surprised that the TARDIS hadn't gotten torn apart by the massive paradox. But, then again, she hadn't even seen the other versions of herself.

He didn't know what he was going to do. There had to be some way he could make this work. Take his daughter with him when the moment was right. The moment that was so wrong.

"What's got you so quiet?"

Ah. So she had noticed. "Spoilers." His voice almost broke. But not quite. The way River made him feel, just the pure _fluff _of it all, gave him hope for the time being. And that's all he really needed when it came to her. She was always his source of hope.


	4. Bonus Chapter

"Dad, we've got a visitor." Stormy sounded incredibly bored. As usual. He supposed that's what he got for having his twenty-year-old daughter on the ship with him. She was inspecting her nails while draped over the bottom of the stairs.

"I'll get it!" Clara shouted, bounding over her best friend's legs to the door. When she yanked it open she made sure that whoever it was couldn't see in the ship. "Hello."

The Doctor's head snapped up from the console when he heard the "flirt" creep into his companion's voice. Not good. Disastrous for everyone involved. He stared at the back of her head intently, waiting for a response to come.

"Hello."

No! No! Bad, bad, bad! This was the worst possible time for him to show up! If he thought that _Clara_'s flirting would get them in trouble, he definitely didn't want to think about what would happen if he let them man on the ship. "Don't let him in!" he practically screeched... Too late. The man had walked past Clara, surveying the TARDIS with a devious smile.

"You redecorated. Very... sleek. I like it. Ooh, I see the TARDIS isn't the only thing that's changed! I like the new face as well, you look almost..." He snorted. "Innocent."

"This is a really bad time... Uh... Please... Uh, uh, uh..." The Doctor sprinted to stand in front of Stormy, attempting to hide her from view.

"And who is this beautiful creature?"

Stormy stood and pushed her dad out of the way unceremoniously. "Stormy Song. And you are...?"

The man smirked hellishly, extending his hand and somehow making the action sexual. "Captain Jack Harkness, at your service."

xXx

"Please stop..." The Doctor mumbled against the kitchen table (which he had his head resting on) as he listened to Jack flirt with his companion and his daughter. "Seriously, just stop."

The three of them ignored his quiet pleas. _Flirting._ How gross! Stormy was twirling a ginger ringlet around her finger coyly, and it made him want to pull her mane of hair into a ponytail, just to keep her from doing it. This was so wrong! Utterly wrong... and... well, just wrong. There was no better word. This was his _daughter._ One of the last remaining memories he had of his wife. His twenty-year-old Time Lord daughter.

Finally he shot out of his seat and grabbed Jack by the arm and dragged him into the hallway, despite the other man's protests. "Jack," he began sternly, "that girl in there is _twenty."_

"Rose was nineteen," Jack retorted sassily.

The Doctor manically ran his hands through his hair. "That's not my point!"

"Then what is? I heard that this regeneration was running around with an archaeology professor. You know," he grinned, "a little redheaded birdie told me. Naughty, naughty, Doctor! I like it."

He stared at Jack until it finally occurred to him that Torchwood had most likely been in touch with Amy and Rory when they still lived in the contemporary time, given that the TARDIS had appeared on their street and in their backyard so often. He wasn't surprised. Bloody Torchwood. "Yes, I was... Twenty years ago." He gave Jack a pointed look.

"Do you have... dibs, or something?"

The Doctor was appalled. "No! No, no no!" He shuddered violently. Why was Jack being so thick? It couldn't have been so obscure! If Jack knew about River, he probably used Torchwood to look her up and also knew what she looked like. Stormy looked very remarkably like River, with her wild hair and prominent, strong jaw... And she also looked like him. Her eyes were a brilliant shade of green and very wide, expressive... And she was just as ginger as Amy had been, with Rory's stupid nose, just like they had hoped against. She somehow made it very cute, though. But it was just so obvious to him that she was his daughter. How did Jack not see it? "Jack," he muttered. "Look at her face... Then look at mine."

Jack did so, and within about a minute an incredulous stare had spread across his face as his gaze whipped back and forth between the two people. "No..." He attempted to regain his former snarky expression. "That's a funny joke, but you see... _She's ginger."_

"Her grandmother was ginger. For a short time when she was young River was ginger."

"You aren't ginger, and you never have been!"

This fetched a scowl. "Yes, I know that, thank you! I don't need to be reminded... I don't feel so bad about killing you now that I know you can't die."

"That _cannot_ be your kid!"

"Well she is!"

"I don't think so!"

"She is!"

"Prove it!"

"_Fine!"_ He took hold of Jack's arm and drug him back into the kitchen. Announcing an apology to Stormy, he placed Jack's hand above her sternum, still earning a protest.

_1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4._

Jack drew his hand back in wonder. "Heartbeat of a Time Lord..."

"Do you believe me _now?"_

"Well I guess... Hard to argue with a heartbeat."

Clara jabbed the Doctor in the ribs, making him yelp. "Care to explain, mister?"

"Jack didn't believe that Stormy was my daughter. So I was proving it to him. So he would _stop flirting with her."_

"And just why aren't you defending me?"

He fixed Clara with an irritated glare. "Because you're not my daughter and should be able to make your own judgement calls. If they happen to be bad it's not my fault."

"I'm an adult!" Stormy cried. It struck him hard just how much she was acting like River. "I can make judgement calls!"

"This man-" the Doctor pointed at Jack- "will flirt with anything that breathes!"  
"So not true," Jack muttered.

"Remember that incident on Satellite 5 right before you died?!"

A grin split over Jack's face. "Oh yeah. Nine was great to kiss."

"What?" Stormy shrieked. "You kissed him? Oh, god, so not interested anymore." She threw her hands up. "All yours Clara!"

**A/N: uh, hi. [aggressively ignores theories of Clara being Jack's daughter] I've really got the strong urge to start a new collection of drabbles... "The Continuing Adventures of Stormageddon Song, Sort-Of Time Lady" or something like that. So I suppose you should let me know if you want me to.**


End file.
